I watched them sitting in a circle beneath the gangway that leads to the twisty slide and the rock wall. They scrunched together on a blanket, hoarding the only bit of shade to be found. They talked and laughed, occasionally calling out to a child wandering too far or a baby about to eat a long strand of grass.
They call themselves the Tuesday Group.
They knew I was there, wandering around in the background, helping the Baby slide or the Kid on the zip line. Their kids played with mine, but we were separate. I tried to strike a conversation with a mom whose one year old boy had a small infatuation with the Baby. Together they wandered in our direction and the boy looked at me with a gummy grin. I laughed at his flirtations and commented on how sweet he was. Still nothing. Was it me? Is my hair wrong? My voice too loud? What?
Later I would hear one Mom introduce another, Sherry Light she would say. My neighbor. They know me, I thought. They know who I am and they still aren’t talking to me. I’ve talked to Sherry on the phone about an issue with the local stray dogs. She knew my ex-sister in law. I realized I knew the woman introducing her too. She hung out with my ex-sister in law a few times. Was it the Ex-SIL or me? Or was it the lies and rumors that my Ex-SIL spread about me and the Husband?
As I watched them passing out snacks to their children and talking about the mundane things that make up motherhood, I realized that I will never be a part of this group. I will never hang out at the playground with other moms or have playdates at the lake. They will never be my friends. Our children will only know each other at school. It doesn’t matter the reasons. In the same way that you either are or you aren’t in highschool, you are or you aren’t in this small town. We might have had a chance five years ago and missed it somehow. I’m not sure. Maybe our chance passed us by.
We are, and always will be, the odd family that lives up on the hill. Slightly disliked for whatever reasons.
It hurts.
Luckily I have a couple of things to distract me.
This beyond sucks. this also has me looking around frantically, wondering if, in my secure and friendly neighborhood of families and Mom’s…. am I leaving you out? Not “you” but someone else, y’know?
But then again, I don’t think that I’d be hangin’ with the “Tuesdays” myself. I’d be hangin’ with you, and we’d call ourselves the “Wednesdays!” Like “Wednesday Addams.” DUH duh duh DUM! SNAP! SNAP! DUH duh duh DUM! SNAP! SNAP!
I wonder why it stings? I have a similar thing with the After School Mom’s Club at the playground of the school. They all know each other, and they know me too, but not in a boisterous-laugh-too-loud-huddle-together kind of way; more in a quick-nod-and-pleasantries kind of say. I don’t really care, I have friends who love me lots. I just feel gangly standing there on the outskirts of their clique.
Tuesday Group = Bitches
That being said…
I am not very good at the “meeting” the parents thing. I think it is my own lack of social outgoingness. And the fact that, for the most part, I have no desire to create more relationships that need tending. But, sometimes, you just want to feel like you know someone, anyone.
Yeah I have similar issues. For me, its the crazy woman across the street. Her husband is nice enough. Talks to mine. When I join them, she doesn’t come to say hi. She barely acknowledges my presence. For this whole year, she and I have traveled the same route to the kids school – sometimes literally one car behind the other – yet she makes no effort for conversation where I would suggest a carpool. Our kids play together beautifully but sometimes, randomly, for apparently no reason at all, she won’t let them play. So Rachel’s friend and her sister are there across the street playing and hollering to Rachel “WE CAN”T PLAY WITH YOU!!!”. WTF! Whenever their cousins are over, they’re not allowed to play with Rachel – even though they all get along (and they see the cousins ALOT so it’s not like they need “quality time together”). Last weekend, Rachel sat in our bedroom and watched them all from our window having a blast all together at an outside BBQ they were having. Would it KILL them to allow Rachel to play with the kids there too? It’s a freakin’ BBQ for fucks sake. Not a formal diner! If that woman had just one OUNCE of human decency and empathy she would understand how hard it is for us, for Rachel, living here knowing very few people, and having no family here. I think she’s about as selfish as they come.
It just kills me. Meanwhile I know my family is having BBQ’s all the time. Tons of cousins that Rachel loves playing with… all 1000 miles away
I SO want to move!!!!
Ugh. It never ends does it. It hurts a bit less but never ends.
::hugs:: Those women suck. I often feel like that at the park, as well – that all the other mom’s know each other. Problem is, I’m not as brave as you – I won’t even go to say hi, because they might not talk to me. Sad.
happens in the big towns too. none of the other moms like me. well, one of the other moms likes me and i love her and no one else does.
wtf?
girls can suck, even when they grow up. all the more reason to teach love and self esteem and acceptance to the little ones.
clearly those other moms weren’t raised right.
I had the same thing at Hailey’s last school. I don’t know why it hurts but it does. It’s not you. It’s them.
I’ve never really been comfortable being a joiner, so-to-speak. So I probably would have been on the outside all on my own acct. But it sounds quite plausible that you lost some friendship opportunities in the divorce. Your brother’s, that is. (or bil?)
Oh – and you posted a picture! Nice sunny smile there!
Are you sure we don’t live in the same small town? There are certain parks I avoid at certain times of the day for this very reason. Ugh. See, you’re the kind of mom I wish was at my park. I’m no good at picking up other moms.
HeatherKs last blog post..The time? It flies.
Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle.
http://tinyurl.com/6rc8fx
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..I’m fine. (Updated – No, I’m not.)
There is a special place in hell for women who refuse to help other women. ~ Madeline Albright
The same goes for these bitches. They aren’t just in small towns, they are everywhere! Too bad they can’t grow up and just be nice to everyone!
MommasTantrums last blog post..Blah, Blah, Blah, COLD, Blah, Blah
Those moms remind me of the group of mothers in Little Children.
It does feel like high school still. It’s definitely them, and not you. And the truth of it is that they don’t even seem to have the generous manners that would make most people at least say a few pleasantries.
Ugh.
I came here from Good Mom/Bad Mom–congratulations for being selected this week! (Also, if you’re cool with those girls, you’re just cool…)
Jennifer Hs last blog post..Floating
Ugh, I hate that feeling. Even if I could have joined at some point, the point is gone, and there’s no getting away from feeling like you don’t fit in.
I found a group of moms that I fit in with a lot better a couple towns over. It’s a drive, which sucks, but having that group really helps me care less about not fitting in with the local moms, with whom I have nothing in common.
Lunaseas last blog post..Good Mom/Bad Mom
I’m right there with you. Between my social anxieties and my son’s “behavioral” issues I missed that critical time in our neighborhood to make those connections.
I hate being the odd man out but I don’t know how to stop being the awkward, overweight, over-shy mom with the kid that has “issues.”
Makes for lonely parenting sometimes.
Katts last blog post..Show and Tell
Okay, here’s the plan:
Move to southern Indiana where I live (and where I’ve been trying to get Lunasea to move for years now). Meet up with my family and group of friends. Feel instantly bonded. Enjoy the hilarity that will most definitely ensue. Forget all about the Tuesday Twits.
How’s that?
From,
New Reader Beej
Beejs last blog post..They’re trying to take over
I’ve been in this exact same situation and it just sucks so hard. Why do people have to be like this?
Jens last blog post..The Story of Joseph – The First Days
sad that any women people behave in such a manner. I’m grateful there are some of us left. (us us not them). believe me you do not want to be a member of that group. not really. gossip makes the most of the conversation. the loudest most gosspiest is usually the leader unless she’s not around. please do not conform.
Add me to the mommy outcast group. It’s the Thursday group here. One time, just once, we were at the park on a Monday and the Thursday group was there. I almost left but I promised Jr. he could play on the giant caterpillar. I think after that experience I will investigate how to build, buy or barter for our own giant caterpillar so we don’t have to leave our own yard. We think the girls who were like that in jr high and high school, who kept us on the fringe, would grow up and learn about compassion and kindness, but once they’ve tasted the power of the clique they are forever turned to the darkside-but I digress. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to be in the group, it’s human nature to belong to a group because there is safety in numbers. Take comfort in your familial group and look for opportunities to build your own clique, but always be mindful of the darkside.
Hi
I am the odd mom out as well. I am pretty sure I get maligned for various reasons on a regular basis. I have decided that my son and I are fine on our own. I often think I am perpetuating patterns in my family. One day, I realized that my sister, rather than work out her problems with me, will malign me to other family members and friends of hers whenever she gets the chance. It is odd, because lately she has been trying to be nice, but I see, on some subconscious level, that I am repeating the relationship with my sister and other people I have known throughout my life on a regular basis. Add to the mix, racial issues- I am black in an interracial marriage to a white man, and the subconscious issues just seem to multiply. I live in a predominantly white city in the midwest, and I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. And I feel like the people around me have trouble grasping me, if that makes any sense. Anyway, I have been integrated into various settings my whole life and have decided to accept the fact that I will never “fit in.” I have been trying to look inside of myself and see how whatever it is inside of me is manifesting in real life. I feel lonely, sad, angry and depressed a lot. I have decided to “live” with those feelings and see if, on my own, I can move to a more loving place with myself, and strengthen my relationship with my son and husband. I also think- who knows- maybe being a part of a group is not good for me and my family. Perhaps with a lot of us, we have to be on our own for some reason. Maybe being in a group would mean sacrificing something essential that we or our children need.
wow. i’m so glad i found this blog in my googlings. i live in a small town – a transplant from another part of the state. not married, no kids. a previous boyfriend and group of “instant friends” who turned out to be conditional once we broke up and i moved out. am about to end another relationship with my ex, who is also from here. the last bit of thread that holds me to this little town.
i actually bought a house here. my best friend even moved here too, but she has a family and so they’re integrating thmselves into the fabric of this town. people point out all the time that “i am not from here” somehow implying that i’ll be leaving soon.
i “settled” here. i live a quiet life. yet, somehow, i’m an outsider. with the exception of those who i already knew before i lived here, people are nice to me, friendly enough, but i’m not part of things… not invited…
i ran into a guy who i remembered from my friend’s wedding (the friend is “local” – born here). he said to me, “oh, you’re still around?” like i have no right to be here because i wasn’t born and raised here.
i think i may have to move out of my small town.
The saddest part is that the Tuesday Moms are teaching their kids the same values they have, and none of them will ever think that the things they are doing (and not doing) are really affecting other families. I, too, am ready to move out of the small town we are “a part” of. Eight years of supporting everything, giving other kids rides to everything, PTA involvement, helping to coach everything, and not once has our family been invited to dinner or to the lake on the weekends. I have to initiate 99.5% of all the kids’ time to get with other kids. I am worn out. We actually live ten miles out of town. It is exhausting. I try hard to teach my kids to love everyone, be patient, etc. But how many years of this should we endure before realizing it just is not going to ever feel “right?”