Comments on: Small Town Politics http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348 Sun, 05 Sep 2010 21:03:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: tara http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-8856 tara Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:49:35 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-8856 The saddest part is that the Tuesday Moms are teaching their kids the same values they have, and none of them will ever think that the things they are doing (and not doing) are really affecting other families. I, too, am ready to move out of the small town we are "a part" of. Eight years of supporting everything, giving other kids rides to everything, PTA involvement, helping to coach everything, and not once has our family been invited to dinner or to the lake on the weekends. I have to initiate 99.5% of all the kids' time to get with other kids. I am worn out. We actually live ten miles out of town. It is exhausting. I try hard to teach my kids to love everyone, be patient, etc. But how many years of this should we endure before realizing it just is not going to ever feel "right?" The saddest part is that the Tuesday Moms are teaching their kids the same values they have, and none of them will ever think that the things they are doing (and not doing) are really affecting other families. I, too, am ready to move out of the small town we are “a part” of. Eight years of supporting everything, giving other kids rides to everything, PTA involvement, helping to coach everything, and not once has our family been invited to dinner or to the lake on the weekends. I have to initiate 99.5% of all the kids’ time to get with other kids. I am worn out. We actually live ten miles out of town. It is exhausting. I try hard to teach my kids to love everyone, be patient, etc. But how many years of this should we endure before realizing it just is not going to ever feel “right?”

]]> By: smalltownoutsider http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-6953 smalltownoutsider Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:14:21 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-6953 wow. i'm so glad i found this blog in my googlings. i live in a small town - a transplant from another part of the state. not married, no kids. a previous boyfriend and group of "instant friends" who turned out to be conditional once we broke up and i moved out. am about to end another relationship with my ex, who is also from here. the last bit of thread that holds me to this little town. i actually bought a house here. my best friend even moved here too, but she has a family and so they're integrating thmselves into the fabric of this town. people point out all the time that "i am not from here" somehow implying that i'll be leaving soon. i "settled" here. i live a quiet life. yet, somehow, i'm an outsider. with the exception of those who i already knew before i lived here, people are nice to me, friendly enough, but i'm not part of things... not invited... i ran into a guy who i remembered from my friend's wedding (the friend is "local" - born here). he said to me, "oh, you're still around?" like i have no right to be here because i wasn't born and raised here. i think i may have to move out of my small town. wow. i’m so glad i found this blog in my googlings. i live in a small town – a transplant from another part of the state. not married, no kids. a previous boyfriend and group of “instant friends” who turned out to be conditional once we broke up and i moved out. am about to end another relationship with my ex, who is also from here. the last bit of thread that holds me to this little town.

i actually bought a house here. my best friend even moved here too, but she has a family and so they’re integrating thmselves into the fabric of this town. people point out all the time that “i am not from here” somehow implying that i’ll be leaving soon.

i “settled” here. i live a quiet life. yet, somehow, i’m an outsider. with the exception of those who i already knew before i lived here, people are nice to me, friendly enough, but i’m not part of things… not invited…

i ran into a guy who i remembered from my friend’s wedding (the friend is “local” – born here). he said to me, “oh, you’re still around?” like i have no right to be here because i wasn’t born and raised here.

i think i may have to move out of my small town.

]]> By: Jillian http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-2147 Jillian Mon, 14 Jul 2008 07:46:14 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-2147 Hi I am the odd mom out as well. I am pretty sure I get maligned for various reasons on a regular basis. I have decided that my son and I are fine on our own. I often think I am perpetuating patterns in my family. One day, I realized that my sister, rather than work out her problems with me, will malign me to other family members and friends of hers whenever she gets the chance. It is odd, because lately she has been trying to be nice, but I see, on some subconscious level, that I am repeating the relationship with my sister and other people I have known throughout my life on a regular basis. Add to the mix, racial issues- I am black in an interracial marriage to a white man, and the subconscious issues just seem to multiply. I live in a predominantly white city in the midwest, and I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. And I feel like the people around me have trouble grasping me, if that makes any sense. Anyway, I have been integrated into various settings my whole life and have decided to accept the fact that I will never "fit in." I have been trying to look inside of myself and see how whatever it is inside of me is manifesting in real life. I feel lonely, sad, angry and depressed a lot. I have decided to "live" with those feelings and see if, on my own, I can move to a more loving place with myself, and strengthen my relationship with my son and husband. I also think- who knows- maybe being a part of a group is not good for me and my family. Perhaps with a lot of us, we have to be on our own for some reason. Maybe being in a group would mean sacrificing something essential that we or our children need. Hi
I am the odd mom out as well. I am pretty sure I get maligned for various reasons on a regular basis. I have decided that my son and I are fine on our own. I often think I am perpetuating patterns in my family. One day, I realized that my sister, rather than work out her problems with me, will malign me to other family members and friends of hers whenever she gets the chance. It is odd, because lately she has been trying to be nice, but I see, on some subconscious level, that I am repeating the relationship with my sister and other people I have known throughout my life on a regular basis. Add to the mix, racial issues- I am black in an interracial marriage to a white man, and the subconscious issues just seem to multiply. I live in a predominantly white city in the midwest, and I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. And I feel like the people around me have trouble grasping me, if that makes any sense. Anyway, I have been integrated into various settings my whole life and have decided to accept the fact that I will never “fit in.” I have been trying to look inside of myself and see how whatever it is inside of me is manifesting in real life. I feel lonely, sad, angry and depressed a lot. I have decided to “live” with those feelings and see if, on my own, I can move to a more loving place with myself, and strengthen my relationship with my son and husband. I also think- who knows- maybe being a part of a group is not good for me and my family. Perhaps with a lot of us, we have to be on our own for some reason. Maybe being in a group would mean sacrificing something essential that we or our children need.

]]> By: Arizona Albino http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1934 Arizona Albino Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:17:51 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1934 Add me to the mommy outcast group. It's the Thursday group here. One time, just once, we were at the park on a Monday and the Thursday group was there. I almost left but I promised Jr. he could play on the giant caterpillar. I think after that experience I will investigate how to build, buy or barter for our own giant caterpillar so we don't have to leave our own yard. We think the girls who were like that in jr high and high school, who kept us on the fringe, would grow up and learn about compassion and kindness, but once they've tasted the power of the clique they are forever turned to the darkside-but I digress. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to be in the group, it's human nature to belong to a group because there is safety in numbers. Take comfort in your familial group and look for opportunities to build your own clique, but always be mindful of the darkside. Add me to the mommy outcast group. It’s the Thursday group here. One time, just once, we were at the park on a Monday and the Thursday group was there. I almost left but I promised Jr. he could play on the giant caterpillar. I think after that experience I will investigate how to build, buy or barter for our own giant caterpillar so we don’t have to leave our own yard. We think the girls who were like that in jr high and high school, who kept us on the fringe, would grow up and learn about compassion and kindness, but once they’ve tasted the power of the clique they are forever turned to the darkside-but I digress. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to be in the group, it’s human nature to belong to a group because there is safety in numbers. Take comfort in your familial group and look for opportunities to build your own clique, but always be mindful of the darkside.

]]> By: clarissa http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1933 clarissa Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:32:33 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1933 sad that any women people behave in such a manner. I'm grateful there are some of us left. (us us not them). believe me you do not want to be a member of that group. not really. gossip makes the most of the conversation. the loudest most gosspiest is usually the leader unless she's not around. please do not conform. sad that any women people behave in such a manner. I’m grateful there are some of us left. (us us not them). believe me you do not want to be a member of that group. not really. gossip makes the most of the conversation. the loudest most gosspiest is usually the leader unless she’s not around. please do not conform.

]]> By: Jen http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1932 Jen Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:39:20 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1932 I've been in this exact same situation and it just sucks so hard. Why do people have to be like this? Jens last blog post..<a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/haQO/~3/308476115/story-of-joseph-first-days.html" rel="nofollow">The Story of Joseph - The First Days</a> I’ve been in this exact same situation and it just sucks so hard. Why do people have to be like this?

Jens last blog post..The Story of Joseph – The First Days

]]> By: Beej http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1930 Beej Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:03:39 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1930 Okay, here's the plan: Move to southern Indiana where I live (and where I've been trying to get Lunasea to move for years now). Meet up with my family and group of friends. Feel instantly bonded. Enjoy the hilarity that will most definitely ensue. Forget all about the Tuesday Twits. How's that? :-) From, New Reader Beej Beejs last blog post..<a href="http://heyitsbeej.livejournal.com/155216.html" rel="nofollow">They're trying to take over</a> Okay, here’s the plan:

Move to southern Indiana where I live (and where I’ve been trying to get Lunasea to move for years now). Meet up with my family and group of friends. Feel instantly bonded. Enjoy the hilarity that will most definitely ensue. Forget all about the Tuesday Twits.

How’s that? :-)

From,
New Reader Beej

Beejs last blog post..They’re trying to take over

]]> By: Katt http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1923 Katt Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:14:52 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1923 I'm right there with you. Between my social anxieties and my son's "behavioral" issues I missed that critical time in our neighborhood to make those connections. I hate being the odd man out but I don't know how to stop being the awkward, overweight, over-shy mom with the kid that has "issues." Makes for lonely parenting sometimes. Katts last blog post..<a href="http://sparklykatt.blogspot.com/2008/06/show-and-tell_08.html" rel="nofollow">Show and Tell</a> I’m right there with you. Between my social anxieties and my son’s “behavioral” issues I missed that critical time in our neighborhood to make those connections.

I hate being the odd man out but I don’t know how to stop being the awkward, overweight, over-shy mom with the kid that has “issues.”

Makes for lonely parenting sometimes.

Katts last blog post..Show and Tell

]]> By: Lunasea http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1920 Lunasea Mon, 09 Jun 2008 04:56:42 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1920 Ugh, I hate that feeling. Even if I could have joined at some point, the point is gone, and there's no getting away from feeling like you don't fit in. I found a group of moms that I fit in with a lot better a couple towns over. It's a drive, which sucks, but having that group really helps me care less about not fitting in with the local moms, with whom I have nothing in common. Lunaseas last blog post..<a href="http://lunasea237.blogspot.com/2008/06/good-mombad-mom.html" rel="nofollow">Good Mom/Bad Mom</a> Ugh, I hate that feeling. Even if I could have joined at some point, the point is gone, and there’s no getting away from feeling like you don’t fit in.

I found a group of moms that I fit in with a lot better a couple towns over. It’s a drive, which sucks, but having that group really helps me care less about not fitting in with the local moms, with whom I have nothing in common.

Lunaseas last blog post..Good Mom/Bad Mom

]]> By: Jennifer H http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1917 Jennifer H Sun, 08 Jun 2008 17:23:28 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1917 Those moms remind me of the group of mothers in Little Children. It does feel like high school still. It's definitely them, and not you. And the truth of it is that they don't even seem to have the generous manners that would make most people at least say a few pleasantries. Ugh. I came here from Good Mom/Bad Mom--congratulations for being selected this week! (Also, if you're cool with those girls, you're just cool...) Jennifer Hs last blog post..<a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ThursdayDrive/~3/306967621/" rel="nofollow">Floating</a> Those moms remind me of the group of mothers in Little Children.

It does feel like high school still. It’s definitely them, and not you. And the truth of it is that they don’t even seem to have the generous manners that would make most people at least say a few pleasantries.

Ugh.

I came here from Good Mom/Bad Mom–congratulations for being selected this week! (Also, if you’re cool with those girls, you’re just cool…)

Jennifer Hs last blog post..Floating

]]> By: MommasTantrum http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1916 MommasTantrum Sun, 08 Jun 2008 16:16:02 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1916 There is a special place in hell for women who refuse to help other women. ~ Madeline Albright The same goes for these bitches. They aren't just in small towns, they are everywhere! Too bad they can't grow up and just be nice to everyone! MommasTantrums last blog post..<a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MommasTantrum/~3/307029473/blah-blah-blah-cold-blah-blah.html" rel="nofollow">Blah, Blah, Blah, COLD, Blah, Blah</a> There is a special place in hell for women who refuse to help other women. ~ Madeline Albright

The same goes for these bitches. They aren’t just in small towns, they are everywhere! Too bad they can’t grow up and just be nice to everyone!

MommasTantrums last blog post..Blah, Blah, Blah, COLD, Blah, Blah

]]> By: Jenny, Bloggess http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1915 Jenny, Bloggess Sun, 08 Jun 2008 15:20:57 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1915 Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle. http://tinyurl.com/6rc8fx Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..<a href="http://thebloggess.com/?p=546" rel="nofollow">I’m fine. (Updated - No, I’m not.)</a> Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle.

http://tinyurl.com/6rc8fx

Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..I’m fine. (Updated – No, I’m not.)

]]> By: HeatherK http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1907 HeatherK Sun, 08 Jun 2008 01:52:54 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1907 Are you sure we don't live in the same small town? There are certain parks I avoid at certain times of the day for this very reason. Ugh. See, you're the kind of mom I wish was at my park. I'm no good at picking up other moms. HeatherKs last blog post..<a href="http://heatherk.typepad.com/heatherk/2008/06/the-time-it-fli.html" rel="nofollow">The time? It flies.</a> Are you sure we don’t live in the same small town? There are certain parks I avoid at certain times of the day for this very reason. Ugh. See, you’re the kind of mom I wish was at my park. I’m no good at picking up other moms.

HeatherKs last blog post..The time? It flies.

]]> By: BetteJo http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1895 BetteJo Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:32:30 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1895 Oh - and you posted a picture! Nice sunny smile there! Oh – and you posted a picture! Nice sunny smile there!

]]> By: BetteJo http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1894 BetteJo Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:31:44 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1894 I've never really been comfortable being a joiner, so-to-speak. So I probably would have been on the outside all on my own acct. But it sounds quite plausible that you lost some friendship opportunities in the divorce. Your brother's, that is. (or bil?) I’ve never really been comfortable being a joiner, so-to-speak. So I probably would have been on the outside all on my own acct. But it sounds quite plausible that you lost some friendship opportunities in the divorce. Your brother’s, that is. (or bil?)

]]> By: Jenny, Bloggess http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1893 Jenny, Bloggess Wed, 04 Jun 2008 13:02:24 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1893 I had the same thing at Hailey's last school. I don't know why it hurts but it does. It's not you. It's them. I had the same thing at Hailey’s last school. I don’t know why it hurts but it does. It’s not you. It’s them.

]]> By: lora http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1892 lora Wed, 04 Jun 2008 12:30:57 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1892 happens in the big towns too. none of the other moms like me. well, one of the other moms likes me and i love her and no one else does. wtf? girls can suck, even when they grow up. all the more reason to teach love and self esteem and acceptance to the little ones. clearly those other moms weren't raised right. happens in the big towns too. none of the other moms like me. well, one of the other moms likes me and i love her and no one else does.

wtf?

girls can suck, even when they grow up. all the more reason to teach love and self esteem and acceptance to the little ones.

clearly those other moms weren’t raised right.

]]> By: Kait http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1891 Kait Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:22:10 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1891 ::hugs:: Those women suck. I often feel like that at the park, as well - that all the other mom's know each other. Problem is, I'm not as brave as you - I won't even go to say hi, because they might not talk to me. Sad. ::hugs:: Those women suck. I often feel like that at the park, as well – that all the other mom’s know each other. Problem is, I’m not as brave as you – I won’t even go to say hi, because they might not talk to me. Sad.

]]> By: merlotmom http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1890 merlotmom Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:16:36 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1890 Ugh. It never ends does it. It hurts a bit less but never ends. Ugh. It never ends does it. It hurts a bit less but never ends.

]]> By: Jennifer http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348&cpage=1#comment-1889 Jennifer Wed, 04 Jun 2008 02:45:14 +0000 http://followingtheroad.com/?p=348#comment-1889 Yeah I have similar issues. For me, its the crazy woman across the street. Her husband is nice enough. Talks to mine. When I join them, she doesn't come to say hi. She barely acknowledges my presence. For this whole year, she and I have traveled the same route to the kids school - sometimes literally one car behind the other - yet she makes no effort for conversation where I would suggest a carpool. Our kids play together beautifully but sometimes, randomly, for apparently no reason at all, she won't let them play. So Rachel's friend and her sister are there across the street playing and hollering to Rachel "WE CAN"T PLAY WITH YOU!!!". WTF! Whenever their cousins are over, they're not allowed to play with Rachel - even though they all get along (and they see the cousins ALOT so it's not like they need "quality time together"). Last weekend, Rachel sat in our bedroom and watched them all from our window having a blast all together at an outside BBQ they were having. Would it KILL them to allow Rachel to play with the kids there too? It's a freakin' BBQ for fucks sake. Not a formal diner! If that woman had just one OUNCE of human decency and empathy she would understand how hard it is for us, for Rachel, living here knowing very few people, and having no family here. I think she's about as selfish as they come. It just kills me. Meanwhile I know my family is having BBQ's all the time. Tons of cousins that Rachel loves playing with... all 1000 miles away :( I SO want to move!!!! Yeah I have similar issues. For me, its the crazy woman across the street. Her husband is nice enough. Talks to mine. When I join them, she doesn’t come to say hi. She barely acknowledges my presence. For this whole year, she and I have traveled the same route to the kids school – sometimes literally one car behind the other – yet she makes no effort for conversation where I would suggest a carpool. Our kids play together beautifully but sometimes, randomly, for apparently no reason at all, she won’t let them play. So Rachel’s friend and her sister are there across the street playing and hollering to Rachel “WE CAN”T PLAY WITH YOU!!!”. WTF! Whenever their cousins are over, they’re not allowed to play with Rachel – even though they all get along (and they see the cousins ALOT so it’s not like they need “quality time together”). Last weekend, Rachel sat in our bedroom and watched them all from our window having a blast all together at an outside BBQ they were having. Would it KILL them to allow Rachel to play with the kids there too? It’s a freakin’ BBQ for fucks sake. Not a formal diner! If that woman had just one OUNCE of human decency and empathy she would understand how hard it is for us, for Rachel, living here knowing very few people, and having no family here. I think she’s about as selfish as they come.

It just kills me. Meanwhile I know my family is having BBQ’s all the time. Tons of cousins that Rachel loves playing with… all 1000 miles away :( I SO want to move!!!!

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